Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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