i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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