Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
