I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
