I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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