quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Houston, we have a blender
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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