What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
