remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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