There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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