I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
where am i from again
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
