there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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