We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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