I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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