You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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