Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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