meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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