Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
