I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
