I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
