Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
