Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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