Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
