youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
