I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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