Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
