he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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