i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize