are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
