He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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