i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
