the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
