so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize