and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
