He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
