who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
