I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
