sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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