tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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