Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
