I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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