You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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