I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
