I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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