i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
