He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
