We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
