There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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