I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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