I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
