I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
