rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
