When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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