Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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