You're earring is so big in my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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