I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
