who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
