Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
