The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
