I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
