Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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