I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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