There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
